but are you interesting?

in which I do an indian edition of emily north's essay on what makes people interesting (and what does not).

sundar nursery, photograph by Snigdha A.

emily north, on her substack angel cake, wrote a cool essay where she asks her friends and fam what makes someone interesting to them. i’ve decided to do the indian edition. most responses are via text, some in person, and all from people currently living in delhi, chandigarh, or ludhiana.

WHAT MAKES A PERSON INTERESTING TO YOU?

‘I get to know if I am going to like this person or not in the first half hour of knowing them. Someone who is chatty, funny and doesn’t take life too seriously. We all have issues but the person makes light of them and looks at the positive side of things. People who are genuine in their approach and not trying to fit a mould to be funny, cool or intense. I love being in constant touch with silly small messages, a quick 30 second call to say random things and laugh at all problems big or small.’ - Nimar, 46

‘When i see a genuine and kind person. If they have a love for travel, food, music, then definitely. If they’ve had a life which has been tough. That’s another. Someone who’s helped others and sacrificed. That’s another. If ya know what I mean.’ - Vidur, 41

‘In no particular order:

• Doing non typical stuff with their life (Or if it’s typical, then they’ve attained a high level of mastery)

• Authentic cunts / not trying too hard / not trying to sell anyone on this shit - that shit

• Poets, writers, artists / creative types (but only if they’re not douchbags)

• Some degree of innate coolness

• Hot chicks

• Athletic chicks

• People who are fun / have fun

• X factor’

anonymous, 47

‘Charisma. Inner glow, good eye contact, calming body language, and a comfort with silence.’ - Kamal, 70 (my mum!)

‘Their sense of curiosity. if they have a hunger for insights not just information, and if they have the care and soft concern in their questions to note what surrounds them.’ - Snigdha, 36

‘Intelligence for sure. Someone a bit eccentric, out of the norm. Knowledge related to music then I wanna know everything about it. An example: I watched this video of Herbie Hancock playing a set with Miles Davis. Herbie during a tune plays a wrong chord, and then immediately closes his ears like that chord pained him. Miles pauses and then goes right back to playing. Because for Miles, it wasn’t a wrong chord, just an unexpected one, and so he played a following note that complimented that chord. Miles wasn’t trying to help Herbie but in the flow, just made the unexpected chord sound even more interesting. It’s his thought process. Improvised. What makes him that way? That’s interesting to me.’ - Anonymous, 34

‘Self awareness. A holistic approach to life, something outside of work - for people, for spaces for experiences. Curiosity too.’ - Sahiba, 37

Interesting to me is discussing life.. how to live it.. and people who can think deeply; feel deeply and philosophise life. - Aliya, 38

‘I’m drawn to people who soak up knowledge from all over and weave it into conversations, making them richer and more fun. They share insights effortlessly, apply what they’ve learned to real life when it fits, and aren’t afraid to think differently. Not to be contrarion for the sake of it but because they’ve got their own unique perspective and don’t sweat what others think. Bonus points if they can spin stories from their life like pages from a gripping novel.’ - Annie, 36

‘I gravitate towards authenticity, life experiences (a bit varied from mine), and travels. Humour of course but not the deprecating kind.’ - Jugeet, 46

‘Funny — not forced humour, but naturally witty people who make life lighter. Creative — they see the world a little differently. Kind at their core — not performative niceness, but real warmth that makes you feel safe being yourself. What ties it all together is authenticity — not interested in people who are guarded or trying to impress you.’ - Samarth, 43

‘If kindness emanates from person—that is truth. Compassion. Non-judgemental. Only compassion important— all rest robots can do.’ - Harvinder, 73 (my masi!)

WHAT MAKES A PERSON INTERESTING TO ME?

I love quick wit and banter — for me, that’s a superior form of intelligence to dumping knowledge on esoteric topics (although that’s fun in certain contexts too).

Joy + curiosity is huge.

I have this theory that I can spot people with sad eyes, and sad eyes have always seen real loss. I love people who combine sad eyes with a joyful spirit, like they’ve been swept into the dark side and come out lighter.

I love quirks. I can tolerate many annoying habits in friends (lack of punctuality, indecisiveness, laziness, bossiness) as long as they’re characters.

I particularly enjoy people who have that rare heart + mind balance: the ability to feel things deeply and also analyze them with a cool mind. I was sitting in a car with some friends + friends of friends. We were having a surprisingly entertaining conversation about what we all did for work (a topic I usually find done to death). When it was the turn of the friend of a friend, she said - oh I don’t do anything interesting, not like you guys. I’m just a real estate broker. WHAT?

She seemed to rank jobs based on their societal prestige rather than their insight potential. A person with an analytical mind could have weaved grand and bizarre tales of Delhi humans that she came across in the stressful microcosm of the home hunt. It’s like they say, everyone has atleast one good novel in them. But only if they know how to tell a story. I like people who do.

People who know their mind, and have a moral compass - it could be unique to them, but it is one they try to live by. Integrity. An old-fashioned word, made more interesting because of its rarity. And courage. I’m a sucker for courage.

Beyond these traits, I have a bit of a double standard when it comes to men and women.

I like men who don’t take themselves too seriously, are good listeners, don’t trauma dump on the first hang, are open to changing their opinion if convinced, are goofy, warm.

But with women, I enjoy a bit of an edge, some chaos, a complete lack of interest in external validation. A bit cocky but can back it up. Really good at whatever they do, and know it.

Perhaps this shows I enjoy people who go against the grain of their stereotypes, not because they’re running from them, but because that’s just who they are.

WHAT MAKES SOMEONE UN-INTERESTING

In one of my whatsapp groups, my sister-in-law asked, do I also have to tell you what makes people NOT interesting? or are we keeping it positive only? Excellent question, because our good friend (Vidur, 41) sends a prompt response:

‘Overly productive assholes. Who wake up at 4am, write in their gratitude journal then go for a 19 km run. Then jump in an ice bath. Then practice spiritual gong baths. Followed by a Buddha bowl washed down with a glass of raw milk straight from a cows titt. Then attend a self reflecting seminar. Then jump online and make reels on their day with inspirational music on in the background.

This human certainly owns a ukulele and has backpacked through Thailand and Europe. They also have a tattoo in a foreign language.

But this human is dead inside. You’d get more truth in a batman comic.’